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| Teaching People How To Use Your Time |
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| By Ramona Creel |
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| I can't tell you how often I hear my friends, colleagues, and clients
complain about how other people just don't RESPECT their time. You've
probably experienced it too -- either at home or at work. People
simply assuming that you are free to help out with a project or
attend a meeting -- without even asking if you are available. Folks
dropping by your home or your office to "chat" during
your work hours, not giving a thought to the fact that you might
be busy. Your kids expecting to be chauffeured from activity to
activity all weekend long -- never once imagining that you might
have other plans. And the advent of the cell phone, pager, fax,
and e-mail have made it all even worse. So many of us feel like
we have to drop everything and deal with each request as it comes
in, lest we waste the other person's time by making them wait for
a response. But what about our time? Isn't it just as important? |
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| There is one hard truth out there that most people don't want to
face -- you are responsible for the fact that other people either
respect or don't respect your time. There is no one else to blame
but yourself. You have to teach people how to use your time -- you
have to be the one to set some boundaries about what is acceptable
and what is not. The only reason that folks take advantage of you,
expect too much from you, or don't respect your personal free time
is that you have ALLOWED them to behave that way in the past. But
if you draw a different line in the sand -- put develop some "time
management ground rules" and stick to them -- you will be amazed
at the change not only in yourself, but in the people around you. |
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SET ASIDE TIME FOR YOU
When we talk about scheduling "me time" into your calendar,
most people think of an hour spent lounging in the bathtub or a
weeklong retreat in which you re-discover your inner child. But
time for yourself includes any time that you spend doing the things
that keep you sane. For some people, that means time for exercise
or meditation or an enjoyable hobby -- others might use their "me
time" to work on a business project that they can't seem to
fit into the regular 9 to 5 grind. My sister devotes much of her
personal time remodeling -- which sounds way too much like work
to me! But she'll take an entire week off at a time to "play
with her house," because that's what makes her feel good and
helps calm the craziness. |
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| For my own personal sanity, I need to have one day a week in which
I take care of what I call administrative work -- both business
and personal. I might return phone calls, answer e-mails, pay bills,
buy groceries, or clean house. Or I might choose to really dig into
a writing or web project that I've been looking forward to. But
I may also have a long phone conversation with a friend who lives
3000 miles away, go on an early morning bike ride, get my hair cut,
attend a yoga class, have a massage, or spend time working on mosaics.
I consider my "admin time" a chance to reconnect with
all the different areas of my life -- business, home, artistic,
physical, social, and spiritual. |
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| But the point is, whatever you enjoy doing with your "me time,"
treat it like it is sacred. I have actually marked off every Thursday
for the rest of the year as my admin days (Thursdays are when my
yoga class is scheduled). I have physically drawn a line through
the entire day with the word "Admin" written across the
top -- leaving me no room to write in any other appointments. And
nothing short of a medical emergency (or a vacation!) is going to
get me to give up those Thursdays. I often have a client ask me,
"Can you get together on Thursday?" My answer is always,
"No, I'm sorry but I'm not available that day." I can't
tell you how long it took for me to become comfortable saying that!
How dare I turn down an appointment with another person when I don't
have anything else in my schedule that day?! Ah, but I do. I have
an appointment with myself. |
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BALANCE YOUR FREE, FOCUS, AND BUFFER DAYS
I once read an article by a personal coach (and I apologize for
not remembering the name!) who offered a very simple system for
using your time in the most efficient way possible. He suggested
that you break your schedule into "focus days," "free
days," and "buffer days." "Focus days"
are those in which you do whatever it is that brings home the bacon
-- see clients, make sales calls, or (in the case of unpaid homemakers)
manage your household. On those days, you do nothing but focus on
your job. Then on "free days," you do no work at all --
not even checking your e-mail, returning a phone call, or putting
in a load of laundry. You take that entire day to simply rest, relax,
have fun, and recharge the old batteries. Finally, "buffer
days" are for all of those little chores that have to be done,
but don't really make you any money. That's the day for administrative
work, personal errands, dentist appointments, trips to the library,
etc. |
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| I'll tell you, a number of things attracted me to this philosophy.
First of all, it becomes incredibly easy to draw clear boundaries
around your time. You are simply going to focus on one type of activity
all day long -- no confusion and no waffling about what to do. If
someone asks you to do work on a "free day" or do some
mindless chore on a "focus day," you know the answer is
"no," plain and simple. Second, it creates an automatic
sense of balance between the many activities in your life, requiring
you to spend some of your time at work and some at play. Third,
you really do use your time more efficiently when you settle into
one mindset for the entire day -- either work or play. It's the
mental (and physical) switching of gears that slows us down, eats
up so much of our time, and distracts us from really enjoying what
we are doing at that moment. |
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| Best of all, it's not a rigid system. You can label as many days
in a week as "free" or "focus" or "buffer"
as you need to, and you have the freedom to change a day's activities
around at will. I've even broken it down further, counting my time
before lunch as a "focus" period, and the time after lunch
(when I'm sort of brain dead) as a "buffer" zone. Although
you may not have total control over your schedule -- especially
when you work a 9 to 5 job -- you can still apply these principles
to your life, making weekdays "focus" days, setting aside
one day a week for "buffer" activities, and saving at
least one weekend day as "free." |
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LEARN HOW TO SAY "NO"
Tell me if this sounds familiar -- someone asks you to do something
that you really don't want to do or you honestly don't have time
for. It might be a church bake sale, a school fundraiser, participating
on a committee, or even just working late. But you feel like you
will let the other person down if you say no. You feel guilty already,
and you haven't even turned them down yet! So you say, "Sure,"
even though doing so is going to put you under tremendous stress
and pressure. You know that you will probably end up resenting this
activity, and maybe even ducking some of your responsibilities because
your heart's just not in it, but you go ahead and agree anyway. |
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| Why are we so afraid to tell people "no"? For some reason,
we have been taught that "no" is disrespectful -- and
even insulting. We seem to value other people's time more than our
own -- feeling that we need to bend over backward to accommodate
others, even if it inconveniences us. I know we're atoning for the
1980's, but let's be reasonable! "No" is actually one
of the healthiest words that can come out of your mouth. When you
tell someone "no," you are really saying that you understand
and accept your own limits, and don't want to do a shoddy job by
overwhelming yourself. That you value your time and priorities and
aren't willing to take away from the truly important things in your
life. A little selfishness is necessary, if you want to maintain
a balanced and sane life! |
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OFFER AN ALTERNATIVE
So how do you say "no" without insulting the other person,
feeling consumed with guilt, or hurting your own credibility? We
need to find a way to say "no" without dragging up all
of those hidden fears -- they'll think I'm lazy or selfish, that
I have no career drive, that I'm not ambitious, that I have no concern
for other people. And it's time to give up all of those roles you're
so proud of -- supermom, martyr, hero -- but are keeping you from
finding true peace. Once you've accepted that you have the right
(and often responsibility) to turn someone down, you can do it in
a way that doesn't seem like a rejection. |
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| The best way to tactfully dodge a request is to offer another alternative.
If you can't do participate at this moment because you are too busy,
but you would really like to help at a later time, say so. "I'm
sorry, I can't do it right this minute -- but my schedule will be
freed up by Friday afternoon, if you still need some help."
Or you might suggest another, more appropriate resource. "I'm
too busy to help you plan that meeting right now, but I have a friend
who has been wanting to get involved. I'm sure she would love to
participate. Let me give you her number." And finally, if you
are asked to do a job that really doesn't interest you or is outside
your area of expertise, offer to help with another task that is
more suitable. "That's really not my strong suit -- but I would
be happy to help out with (drawing posters, setting up the meeting
room, working out a budget, etc.)" You will assuage your guilt,
and feel as though you are still making a contribution, when you
follow that "no" with a suggestion for getting the job
done another way. |
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STOP CARRYING THE WORLD ON YOUR SHOULDERS
It can be incredibly difficult to accept the fact that you don't
have to do everything yourself. Our society has conditioned us not
only to think that we can do it all, but that we should do it all!
People like to imagine themselves as indispensable -- falling prey
to the "no one else can do it as well as I can" syndrome.
We become unwilling to delegate jobs to other people, to ask for
help, or to simply say, "I can't / am not going do that."
Then we get overloaded, frustrated, and resentful of all of the
responsibilities heaped on our backs -- even though we're the ones
who said, "pile them on!" |
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| But understand one thing -- as far as everyone else in the world
is concerned, you are replaceable. I don't mean as a human being
-- of course you are a unique individual and we would all miss you
if you were gone. But I'm talking about the tasks you complete,
the responsibilities you take on -- the favors you do for other
people. If you can't do it, they'll find someone else. It's amazing
how often we think, "If I don't do it, it won't get done."
Yes it will -- if it really needs to be done in the first place.
When I start to think that the world will stop turning if I don't
check an item off of my "to-do" list, I always ask myself,
"What if I got hit in the head with a tree tomorrow? How would
this job get done?" When the answer is, "So-and-so would
help out," I feel a lot more comfortable asking "so-and-so"
to help out now (before I end up in the hospital in a coma!) If
the answer is, "It wouldn't get done -- it's not that important,"
I think very hard about whether that task is even worth my time
in the first place. It's amazing what a life and death situation
(imagined or real!) will do for your perspective! |
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STICK TO YOUR GUNS
One final word of encouragement. It is going to be hard for you
to set these kinds of boundaries in your life -- especially if you
have been accustomed to letting other people dictate how you use
your time. But it is a silent battle that is well worth fighting.
And one might say that this fight is crucial to your survival in
a crazy world with out-of-whack priorities about how we use our
time. As you begin to reclaim your schedule, you will hear comments
like, "Well you were always available to babysit at the last
minute before" -- or, "You never had a problem with working
on the weekends in the past." Your answer is simply, "My
situation has changed. Sorry, but I can't do it this time."
Period -- end of story. You do not have to explain yourself or justify
why you are finally taking time to do the things you want to do.
Understand that most folks out there believe that having no free
time, feeling stressed and pressured, and giving up your entire
life for others is simply the status quo. You will have to convert
them by setting an example. |
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| So if other people don't understand at first, they will when they
begin to see the positive changes in your life. Suddenly, people
will be asking, "How is it that you can have time for a hobby
(or reading for pleasure or travel or spending a day at the park
with your kids)? Can you tell me your secret?" And that's an
amazing day -- because you get to help one more person regain control
over his or her life. You are spreading the gospel of "setting
boundaries" -- you touch one person and those people each touch
one person and soon we have a society that's regained a sense of
perspective about its priorities. Hallelujah! |
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| Ramona Creel is a Professional Organizer and the founder of OnlineOrganizing.com
-- "A world of organizing solutions!" Visit www.onlineorganizing.com
for organizing products, free tips -- and even get a referral for
a Professional Organizer near you. And be sure to pick up a copy
of "Ten Easy Ways To Organize Your Home" for more information
on cleaning out the clutter. If you would like to reprint this article,
please send in an e-mail request to mailto:articleGO09011@onlineorganizing.com.
And if you would like to receive more of these kinds of articles
each month, sign up for a free subscription to the monthly "Get
Organized" online newsletter at http://www.onlineorganizing.com/Client_Newsletter.htm.
(Copyright 2000-2001, Ramona Creel) |
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